X marks the spot..
Always hard to explain my feelings
Used to internalizing, packing it all away
piling things on top, and calling it healing
What happens when the people who matter most
Threaten your very existence
or if or when they decide to go ghost,
When you’ve got to comfortable,
become somewhat gullible,
And let the walls come down almost.
The pain isn’t always immediate
Sometimes I never see it coming
It’s more like
late at night,
Or when I’m finally alone,
And just sick and tired of running.
I find myself talking a lot
Though I’d prefer not to let anyone in
So if I’m speaking
It’s probably me desperate
Just for someone to really understand
I haven’t felt much of that lately
I sometimes blame myself
like Father’s Day that came and went,
just reasons why I struggle with men.
To much nurturing in me from my moms side
But not enough of a dad in me to let go
I give my whole heart,
not some of it,
I put a door mat in front of his feet,
And call him home
When happy, I’m really happy
But sad is really sad
Never ever like to stay still
So I’m rarely reminded of my past
Mom called me a flower when I was 11
I didn’t get what she meant back then
But I’m guessing “Beauty isn’t what you look like
or where’ve you been
But what you can become in the end.”